she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
