The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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