remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
