I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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