My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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