hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
