Already got asked if we're dating
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
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Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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