you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
only you would photoshop your dick
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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