I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
