never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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