I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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