I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize