I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize