Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
