I feel like I'm in dance class right now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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