I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
