I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
