Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
