I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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