careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
