So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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