i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
