Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
