he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
