i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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