I wish my penis had an off switch
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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