is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
