but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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