Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize