My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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