In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
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