she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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