whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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