peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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