As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
