some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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