Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
