I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
