Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
