i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
