i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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