Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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