The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
