i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I want to have your abortion
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
