I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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