I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
