i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
