Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This girl is more easily done than said...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
