Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
