Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
