sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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