just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
