i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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