Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
