just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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