Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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