I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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