I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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