I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
