At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
