His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
