I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
