i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
