somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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