I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
