You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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