i'm signing you up for texting rehab
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
