I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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