dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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