i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
