Yo dont text me then not text me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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