Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
