he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
