Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
