She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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