i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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