Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
