My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just gargled with NyQuil
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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